Computer-afsluitritueel voor moderne heksen

Ritual for the Great God Spammenot and the Goddess Delete*

*pronounced 'Del - ee - tay

Altar Setup -- Computer, keyboard, and mouse in center of altar, if you wish to put out candles and incense that is well and good, but it is probably better to forgo the salt and water for reasons that SHOULD be obvious. Connect to your ISP and open your mailbox.

The Ritual

I. Cast your circle.

If you have a cordless mouse you may use this to cast, otherwise you are better off using your usual tools.

II. Invocations of the elements

East -- O creatures of Air, you who bring "me too" posts, thoughts and ideas of the world into my inbox, be with me this night as I honor the Divine Couple Spammenot & Delete.

South -- O creatures of Fire, you who bring the love letters, promises of organ enlargement, and flames of the e-list to my inbox, be with me this night as I honor the Divine Couple Spammenot & Delete.

West -- O creatures of Water, you who bring guilt-trips, chain letters, and outpourings of joy to my inbox, be with me this night as I honor the Divine Couple Spammenot & Delete.

North -- O creatures of Earth, you who bring technical support posts, product updates, and the minions of spam to my inbox, be with me tonight as I honor the Divine Couple Spammenot & Delete.

III. Invoking the God and Goddess.

Great God Spammenot
Protector of the inbox
Filterer of pyramid schemes and sex sites
Guardian against pharmaceutical companies
Soldier against the forces of bulk email marketing
Be with me this night as I read my mail
Let not the evil forces of greed and corruption make it past your filters
I invoke your name
Spammenot, Spammenot, Spammenot (hit the report spam key repeatedly)

Great Goddess Delete
The last barrier between unwanted mail and me
Render of me too posts
Shredder of the dreaded chain email letters
Destroyer of all I do not wish to bring into my life
Be with me this night as I read my mail
Take ye all of the posts which have escaped your consort's power
I invoke your name
Delete, Delete, Delete (continue hitting delete button until you feel the goddess' power.

IV -- Cakes and Mail

Read your email in peace and joy. And delete the cookies in your temporary files for good measure.

V -- Thank the God and Goddess

Great Goddess Delete
I thank you for your awesome power
Gone are the days when I waded endlessly through emails.
Praised be your name. Go now in peace until I read again. Hail and
Farewell.

Great God Spammenot
You grow in power daily
Deliver me always from the dark forces of Spam
I give you honor and reverence. Stay with me always until I read again. I bid thee thanks.

VI: Dismissal of the Quarters

North -- O creatures of the Earth, I thank you for your presence this night. Go if you must, stay if you will, but leave with me the information from technical support. I bid you Hail and Farewell.

West -- O creatures of Water, I thank you for your presence this night. Go if you must, stay if you will, but leave with me the joyful news I have received. I bid you Hail and Farewell.

South -- O creatures of Fire, I thank you for your presence this night. Go if you must, stay if you will, but leave with me the love letters. I bid you Hail and farewell.

East -- O creatures of Air, I thank you for your presence this night. Go if you must, stay if you will, but leave with me the information and ideas of others. I bid you Hail and Farewell.

VII Open the Circle

The circle is opened and never broken. So mote it be!